What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We had sex on a dog bed..
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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