sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
me + whiskey = a bad person
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
