Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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