I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
