You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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