Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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