In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
