ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
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