What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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