Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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