I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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