I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
