Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
