She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
