when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
