I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
