On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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