best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
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