i don't like sucking hair
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
