if only i could text you this smell
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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