so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
