At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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