Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have so much sex to catch up on
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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