saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
