I am spending my child support on dildos
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
