it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
