And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
