She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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