**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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