I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
