i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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