We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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