Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
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You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
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She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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