Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
