We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
