see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Watching her eat just hurts me
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
