Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
