Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
