You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
vagina is talking i cant
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
