They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
This girl is more easily done than said...
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
