D3 body, D1 cock
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
