grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
