That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
