First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
