If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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