Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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