Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
