..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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