i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
