Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
