His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
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Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize