that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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