Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
