shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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