hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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