I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
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