We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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