So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
