we made out on top of his cat.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
