I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
