he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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